Hullo. You may not like me very much, once I'm finished, but I say the things I do for I believe you have much potential. I did enjoy the way Legolas saved Pip, and how you began it, but there were some things that stood out to me. You used some words to much: "happy" "sad" "laughter" and more. Easily, though, that can be mended, by going onto an online thesaurus, like m-w dot com. That is a good one, I use it a lot myself. I loved the part about the celebrations, that was a fun way to begin the story. Yet you could of made the story more inticing by throwing in descriptions of the parties. Lastly, you seem to me like the person who would do well by describing the characters and scenery in a more flowery manner. Over all, a pleasure to read. Elemmire (If you would like a good read, go to Pentangle- she is like mithril among darkness! Also, if it pleases you, drop by my story... "Afore I had Beheld")
Author's Response: I do not mind criticism, as long as it's constructive and not just flames, so don't worry about that. Thank you. I make good use of the Thesaurus in my Word Processor. I am very conscious of not using the same words over and over in the same paragraph, however, I don't worry too much about doing that for the entire story. I personally don't like to use too many synonyms. It can look too fake after a while. My opinion. The story was written for a contest and the length is limited, so I though just mentioning the celebrations was enough. If the story had been multi-chaptered, I would probably have expanded that part. I like to describe people and place enough to give the reader an idea of what I'm talking about, but I don't do flowery. Just not my thing. I don't like taking a whole paragraph, for instance, to tell the reader that it was a bright sunny day or that the meadow was in full bloom. Again, just me. Thank you. I'm glad you liked the story. The contest I referred to is Teitho, which Pentangle also writes for, so I've read many of her stories. They, and she, are very good, I agree. I'll check your story when I get some free time. Thanks for the review.
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