I like this beginning. It promises an entertaining story. While I think Aragorn is rigth in that he can't really disapear, being king and all, that level of realism is not allways needed. It is enough that the story is entertaining ;)
One small thing, though. All the contractions were really distracting. It is not that I object to anyone in ME using contractions at all-- that can be as distracting as well-- here it became too much for me. It might have something to do with the set-up of this archive, but the end result were that I was constantly drawn out of the story because of them. And that was annoying.
Author's Response: I'm glad you like it, and I hope I can live up to your expectations! I have worked a lot to make it realistic because I usually prefers it that way, but that doesn't mean, of course, that everything has to be logic. I think that while Aragorn has to have some reason to not think he is able to disappear, it doesn't have to be impossible, simply because he's a human and humans are not always very logical thinkers. And of course, if a story is entertaining enough you can take some unrealism. It's fantasy after all! :)
You're right, I did use a lot of contractions in this chapter. I use them because I want a sort of everyday feeling in the text, but, of course, it can become too much. English is not my first language whcih means I don't always notice these things - so thanks for pointing out! It helps, and I'll think of it in the next chapter. (One reason might be I've been using the acute accent ´ instead of ' which makes a much bigger gap in the text. I'm trying to teach myself to do it right!) |
