| Nieriel Raina | 12/19/06 02:06 am | 1: Suffer the Night | Signed |
Ok...seems a little better. I don't know if you changed something, or it's just rereading at a different time that makes the difference. It's still a little ...I don't now how to describe it. A little jarring? But better than most fan fiction poetry I've read. Keep up the great work! NiRi
Author's Response: Yes I changed it. If you could suggest a different form of the stanza that you could construct, then show it to me, I would be most obliged. I try to take in all advice, so I'm soaking yours! Jarring... hmm, that I could fix that. Well, I'll ask the big guy (someone who has poetry down better than I, even though we don't always agree) Nice to meet a Christain! Pity about the church...
Elemmire |
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| Calaquendi | 12/14/06 11:46 pm | 2: A Dreamer's Song | Signed |
i am very sorry it took me so long to get to this. but i finally read it!! i really, really liked it. 10/10! i can't wait to read more of your work....lylas!
Author's Response: No problem, you don't have to hang over this. Lylas! Thanks for the 10! My works are slow to come, but are coming. Thank you, blood sister! Elemmire |
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| Nieriel Raina | 12/14/06 04:38 am | 2: A Dreamer's Song | Signed |
I did like this...but I am not overly familiar with this part of Middle-earth history. I really liked the song! And I loved your young Boromir and Thorongil intervening. You captured Denethor very nicely as well, and nice to see his wife. (I can never spell her name without looking!) I'd be more critical but I'm really tired! Nice job! NiRi
Author's Response: Thank you! To tell the truth, I can not spell her name either... but I'm trying! I love Gondor... well, and Rohan... and the Shire... and... well, quite frankly, all of Arda! I was slightly worried over my Denethor, so its good to have an 'ok' on him. I knew Boromir had to love Thorongil- who couldn't? I used to hate the song, but then I realized it would be a great song for Aragorn! Thank you ever so much NiRi... again. Now you made my day! ~ Elemmire Star-Sheen |
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| Nieriel Raina | 12/14/06 04:31 am | 1: Suffer the Night | Signed |
This is pretty good poetry (of which I am not a really big fan). The fifth stanza in the first one did not flow right like the others in the poem. And some of it felt forced as if you were really striving for the rhyme rather than saying what needed to be said...but over all, very good. Poetry is tough! So I applaud your valiant and lengthy prose! NiRi
Author's Response: Thank you for coming through! Someone who doesn't shy away from the truth! I will look into the fifth stanza right away, and see if I can ease the tightness. I was rereading it, and finding some problems, so editting is in order. Thank you for your honesty, truly! (And yet I do not wholly agree with the poetry is tough... tough to smooth, aye, but hardly so to write for me!) So you have my permission to be more critical, and crack 'em hard! I am *lips quiver* mature enough. *blinks at skeptical stares* I am... mature... just insane. ~Elemmírë S-S |
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| Calaquendi | 12/05/06 09:53 pm | 1: Suffer the Night | Signed |
hahahahahahahahahhaaaaaaa, this is soooo kewl...we're on at the same time!!! : p !! sorry...i just had to tell you this....cuz it's just amazing!!!! lylas!!
Author's Response: Yeah, I know! I popped onto Home and my eyes nearly fell out of my head! Good to see your bio up! ... You need to do a spellcheck though. But still... 'kewl'! Elemmire |
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| Eleiel | 11/14/06 02:52 pm | 1: Suffer the Night | Signed |
Oh, Beautiful! I love it! both of them!! I don't know much about poetry, er... scratch that I don't know anything about poetry; despite the fact that my older sister write alot of it. I cannot understand much of hers; But I understand yours. The emotions and the miracle are so beautifuly and simply portrayed. That it true poetry; when you can be beautiful, and simple, and deep. (rad! I wish I had 5 brothers!!! I have three and I love them. Big family's are so fun, don't you think?) anno o Eru! PS. I've been reading Pentagle's stuff, and She (or whatever) is AMAZING!! and Belly -Butter is hilarious! I'm Loven' it! ;)
Author's Response: Thank you, Eleiel! I thought my poor poems would be ignored for the rest of eternity! Beautiful? Gen hannon! That you can understand it is awesome. I myself don't know much about poetry, which is weird, because I write it. I think it may be more of what works for you. I cannot stand thinking my poems are anything but deep. And to see someone say they are deep is the best of news!
I love my brothers to death, and am so glad they are all younger than me! Hehehe! (And I've seen your reviews on Pentangle's stuff... I admit I keep an eye on her stuff as often as I can spare it! And you're making me jealous... she's responding! Not like she doesn't respond to me... I'm her No. 1 fan, and crazy enough to show it!) ~ Elemmire Star-Sheen |
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| Calaquendi | 08/24/06 10:01 pm | 1: Suffer the Night | Signed |
You are WAY better at writing poetry then me!! And I was never that good at it anyway. But your AMAZING!!
Author's Response: Thank you Calaquendi! And you even took time out of reading "The Naming" or whatever that was to look at my poems. Yay! Again, thank you so much for being so kind! I don't know if I'm that much better than you (I *have* had much more time to work out the talent I have) I mean your poem Deep Inside is striking, and so beautiful even in its shortness. Did you see Pentangle reviewed me, Tay? Remember, I told you about her. And take a peek at "Buried" if you can continue this streak with leaving "The Naming"! See you soon... Elemmire (It's so cool... I get to respond!) |
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| Pentangle | 08/24/06 04:34 am | 1: Suffer the Night | Signed |
I am not by any means able to critique poetry; most of it is beyond my humble power to understand. However, even I can feel the emotion in both of these poems. The first one has such a lovely title and I am so glad you gave us a happy ending! The second one is darker but also powerful. I hope you get some reviews from those who actually get poetry better than I! Pentangle
Author's Response: O my goodness, I broke down and cried when I saw you had reviewed my poems. I seriously... *wipes eyes*Ok, thank you so much. You are far to kind to me, even after I've bombarded you with endless reviews. I tried to get my sister to help me work out the kinks in this (I know the flow had some rough spots, but it is nigh impossible to do your own critiquing) but she didn't have the time, so I had to put up as is. I think you would be a star if you tried your hand at poetry, better than I. Yeah, the second was darker, but it actually shows Legolas' deeper thoughts on the first poem before Estel wakes, and my sister didn't like it when I showed that the clearer. So yeah. Thank you, beloved Pentangle! Elemmire |
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