| Ocne | 02/20/06 09:35 pm | 8: Healings | Anonymous |
| So you have chosen the lesson in compassion for Estel. It is the more mature choice, and the one that I prefer. I enjoyed very much the discussion about forgiveness and feeling sorry without fogiving. I would like to see more about that topic, as well as about Elrond's guilt. I'm glad that you are taking your time to develop the emotional response of the characters. My favorite lines in this chapter : "He carefully led his son along paths of emotional healing in the same way that he tended the boy's body: ensuring no infection lingered beneath the surface that might return and plague him later." But I also liked Elrond's : "Need I take care that you have no dagger while he is in my house?" Spoken from one adult to the other, the way I see it. I was never overly interested in reading about Erestor, or Glorfindel for that matter, but the bits of information that you give about Erestor's past are intriguing. Now I will definitely look forward for your story about them. Update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you again, for your kindness. I was afraid everyone would say, 'well of course he doesn't kill Valendil' but the obvious choice was the only one true to the character, I think. At least since Elrond was able to give him time to think about it. I am always interested in 'aftermath' of traumatic events which is why I devoted two chapters to it. Some will be bored, I expect, but a quick resolution of such emotional turmoil is unrealistic in my opinion. Also, in my Imladris, this is Estel's first serious run-in with 'bad' people. Next chapter: Elrond finds out that one can only squelch so far and no farther as he deals with his own 'aftermath.' |
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| Ocne | 02/20/06 04:39 pm | 7: Estel | Anonymous |
| Nice chapter, if torture can be described as such. I liked the details you put in, as Estel's first reaction when the blade touched him, Erestor's ... appearance ... and 'journey' in the springhouse. Elrohir snatching at Erestor's plait made me smile. The ending is very good, once more. Is Estel in for a lesson in compassion or will Valendil have a last bit of strength/hatred left to finally complete his vengeance? Or will you take us in some other direction altogether? As for the 2 previous chapters, I thought that there must have been some kind of glitch, since you and/or your beta are usually far more thorough in smoothing the wrinkles out of your writing. Glad to have been of help and even more happy to see that you already updated. Yay! |
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| Ocne | 02/11/06 12:20 am | 6: Pain | Anonymous |
| Oh, now the paragraph at the end of chapter 3 (about 2 whelps being brought to camp) makes sense. Another very good chapter, but that ending *shudders* just begs for an update. "Elladan, why do I still see you?" LOL! I liked Erestor's transformation. You're doing your villain very well. Not entirely evil, but his emotions make him just as merciless. Or do they?.. Maybe we'll see if there is some Estel left in or for him. Does Elrond have Vilya? I doubt one such as Valendil will see it, but am still wondering. As for Maedhros being the villain, well, I'm not upset just because I would not have written it that way. After all, he was taken and probably tortured by Sauron's master. That kind of thing must leave some after-effects. And Feanor's sons were kinslayers. So no hope to find any angels there. And you're right - it is your story. Write what you like. After all, where is the pleasure and iterest in writing stuff you don't like? Oh, and did I tell you that I was looking very much forward to you next chapter?
Author's Response: Thank you so much for telling me about the problems with the story format. I *did not* know that it was in all italics! That's a problem in a story that uses italics for flashbacks! There must have been a major glich since there were all those omitted words and so on, as well. You were the only one to mention it so *please* - anything you see - tell me! I am glad you think Valendil is not a one-dimensional cardboard villian since I am trying to write him as more developed in character. Everyone seems to like my warrior Erestor which is a good thing since I started his back story some weeks ago! It turns out he has some deep, dark secrets... Thank you again, so much, I *so* look forward to your reviews. Pentangle |
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| Ocne | 02/10/06 10:28 pm | 5: Elrond | Anonymous |
| Hi Pentangle! I missed you! It has began, huh? I'm tempted to say that with this chapter we reach the part that is the heart of your story. Am I wrong? Now, I'm sure you already know that the entire chapter is in italics, so I'll just point out some errors. "His captor's words made it was obvious he had not been stolen away (...). The way these situations normally went, there was no point in a having a conversation." Several lines of the paragraph starting with "Elrond's paralyzed diaphragm relaxed a little and he drew a gasping breath (...)" lack ponctuation. " (...) so that the Elrond might have hope that the torment would be over." "Elrond's head hung limply and his weight now depended fully from his wrists." The descriptions of the pain and Elrond's and Estel's feelings were very well done. On to the next chapter. |
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| Ocne | 01/25/06 01:19 am | 4: Then Elladan | Anonymous |
| Very good chapter, Pentangle! I liked it from the beginning, with the ride through the fog (he raised his arms up, over his head and to the sides, stretching his fingers as though trying to catch the first rays of sunlight. Wonderful line. Written from your own experience?) to the end, with another creepy poem. You're scary, you know! But the psychology of the would be killer is well hinted at - bad treatements, twisted self-esteem, jealousy. Good job! I especially loved Estel's entry to the cellar and his first words to Elrond. The kid is no kid any longer. Nice that Elrond understood it as well. I'm glad that you appreciate my suggestions. I don't seem to be able to review a story that I really like without pointing out something to the author. But your story is good - I have no comments whatsoever about the plot, character development and so on. Phrase construction and the general writing style are more my cup of tea, I guess. As for my suggestions for this chapter, here we go :-) And shortly after that there was heard the chaotic drumming of two horses running in earnest. 'There was heard' could be remplaced by 'came' for rhythme, fluidity and overall phrase well-being. 'Dan, you were corded!! If you had not been stretched up like that it would have taken you in the throat!!" You have one " at the end, but not at the beginning. It was lying by the tree that the villain used to stretch the cord across the path. Elrond, I believe he was there. Pentangle, I have an issue with the word 'villain'. I'm not sure adults talk like that. It sounds childish, or something, but maybe it's just me. Don't know. What do you think about : It was lying by the tree used to stretch the cord across the path. Elrond, I believe the one we seek was there. Well, that's it. Hope the suggestions were not too annoying. If they become so, tell me. It will not make me like your stories less. Impatiently waiting for your next chapter.
Author's Response: Ocne, you are a *great* reviewer! ('cause you like my story :-) Seriously, I *do* appreciate your suggestions; I wish more reviewers would offer them. So please feel free! I thought that Estel's experience in Buried: Ascension would have matured him drastically, so I'm glad you felt his character had changed. I'm a horrible poet but I love writing his poems - I did try to make them creepy! And it's possible I rode like that in my younger days... Pentangle |
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| Ocne | 01/17/06 05:05 pm | 3: Glorfindel Second | Anonymous |
| Another poem? And an even darker one? I begin to think that my suspicions from the previous chapter were right. Is it Elrond then, the real target? With his human ancestry, he could be considered "polluted" and "uworthy", by someone twisted. And Valendil goes saying "You love him!" accusingly. Well, well. Pentangle, are you sure you need to pick up the pace? :) Estel is nicely perceptive, but I have misgivings about him keeping an eye on Valendil. What I would really like to know, is what Elrond knows of Valendil. Oh yes, before I forget. It may be my English, or something, but it seems to me that the paragraph that starts with "Glorfindel crossed the room and, quite uncharacteristically, thumped clumsily into his chair." and finishes with "Glorfindel's adjutant, Taurnil, was somewhat worried about his commander and sent someone who was hanging about the kitchen to take Glorfindel some refreshment.", is written from the point of view of two different persons. I think it might be better to separate Glorfindel's point of view from Taurnil's, to make 2 paragraphs. If I misunderstood something, my apologies. Update soon!
Author's Response: I think (as if I didn't know :-) that you may be on the right track, there. Thank you for your suggestions. Very few people ever say how a story could be improved and I appreciate that in your reviews. You are probably right about needing 2 paragraphs. |
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| Ocne | 01/17/06 01:56 am | 2: Erestor First | Anonymous |
| This is different from the previous stories from you that I read, but the suspense is coming along nicely. The main question of course is 'why'. I keep returnig to that poem from the prologue - who stole what from Valendil (assuming it is him)? As for developping your story at a slower pace - why not? I can't speak for the others, but as long as an author has something to say (does not rumble on and on and on just to take up more space) and has a decent level of writing, I usually follow. Of course, a little Aragorn angst doesn't bother at all :-) You tried to read my stories? LOL! I thought about translating them, but it is really, really, beyond me. Oh well... Update! I want to know what happens to Glorfindel.
Author's Response: Hi Ocne! Yes, the poem from the beginning is *very* important! I think a lot of people have already forgotten it. :-) thank you for having patience while this developes; the pace picks up soon. And as always, thank you for your thoughtful reviews! Pentangle |
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| Ocne | 01/05/06 10:41 pm | 1: Prologue | Anonymous |
| Yay! A new story! But what a dark beginning. It is good to give the background and motives of the possible future villains. Makes the plot more moving and complex (and makes it such a pleasure to review :-) I suppose Valendil's tormentor was a man? Then how will the elf react to Estel's presence? Valendil's repetition of "Stole him from me" reminds me of Gollum and that is not a reassuring thought. *sigh* Can't wait for an update. Again. P.S. Sorry for my English. As you have noticed by now, it is not my native language and I can only do my best. The miracles, sadly, are beyond me :)
Author's Response: I guessed English was not your native language only because I visited your profile page at ff.net and was very disappointed to see that your stories are not in English! Your grammar is better than mine.
I'm glad you enjoyed the prologue. I took some time, letting this story develop a little slower than my previous fics. I hope people don't get tired and give up! I won't comment on your speculations; they may be right, they may be wrong... Thank you for reading, as always. I so look forward to your reviews. Pentangle |
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