| fiery star | 06/12/08 02:49 pm | 1: A Bolt Across Time | Signed |
*sniffle* so sad....so brilliant.....and......and...... POOR LEGOLAS!!! dont you think shooting him once was cruel enough, without shooting him a second time !!! lol, joking. brilliantly written, i like your style of writing a lot! All the best, Fiery star |
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| Thorongirl | 10/17/05 03:13 am | 1: A Bolt Across Time | Anonymous |
Hi Aussie Ro. As promised, here's the first review. I actually printed off four of your stories and am reading them as I can. This being the shortest, I started here. Interesting premise here, and actually, quite a lot going on in a relatively short story. Lovely descriptives at the beginning and a good job in capturing young Estel's wonder at the beauty of the sky. I can remember many an hour spent lying out in my back yard, staring up at the wonder of a night sky. So this rang very true. You also well portrayed Estel's fears for his brothers, and the extra anxiety he would experience from NOT being told what was going on. You did have some issues with punctuation -- there were several places that needed commas and there were some unnecessary apostrophes, but things like that are easily corrected and improved with experience. I also appreciated that Elrond and the twins wanted to spare Estel any emotional pain. The scene where Estel comes in on Elrond and thinks that he has bloodied hands because of his brother, was very touching. I thought the phrase 'short stop' seemed a little out of sync, but again, a very minor flaw and not indicative of the story overall. Now, the way you tied in Legolas' sacrifice for both the twins and for Elessar was well done. You do like to make your stories more realistic than most, as far as what would actually result were one to be injured in some manner and I appreciated that. Nice work on this. I look forward to reading the second part to 'Race' tomorrow. Now, as for this rating system this site features, that's a little tough. I think the story itself would deserve an '8' but because of the punctuation difficulties, I am inclined to rate as a '7'. Good work overall. Thanks for sharing.
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| megs | 06/24/05 11:06 pm | 1: A Bolt Across Time | Anonymous |
| that was really good! i like how it was little estel and then it skips to when he is king! |
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