| Eleiel | 10/28/06 08:48 pm | 5: Thrashing in the night | Signed |
The elves ony had one God, Eru. all the Valar were sorta like angels. just though i'd point that out. Your story is interesting, and your technique is promissing, though undeveloped. keep on with the good work! |
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| Eleiel | 10/28/06 08:42 pm | 2: At the Western Gate | Signed |
Well, I would suggest not to use the same word twice in two sencences. If you have microsoft word you can right click on a word then scroll down the "synonyms" and it gives you a list of , well synonyms! my favorite one for "deadly" is "lethal" it is much for deadly sounding the the word "deadly". I bet that didn't make any sense what so ever. ;)
Author's Response: Thanks for the advice. I just downloaded the microsoft word. I haven't written a chapter for this story in forever...wow. Guess I should do that. |
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| Eleiel | 10/28/06 08:33 pm | 1: Chapter 1 | Signed |
ohh scary! it's the THING! I just read your bio, and are you Like my Clone!?! except for the temper that your description could fit me perfictly! weird. anyhoo, I like the story, cant wait to read the rest of it! |
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| Mornflower | 06/21/05 04:27 am | 7: Everyones Fear | Signed |
Hello mellon nin. Your plot is developing nicely and the story is moving right along but I would suggest not using Author's notes in the middle of a paragraph. To me it disrupts the flow of the sentences. Other than that little suggestion, This story is very entertaining (well...entertaining to us sick folk) and I will be tuning in again!
~*Mornflower*~
Author's Response: thanks! I will remember that! Hope you like the next chapters when I get them up, unfortunaly I am having knee surgery so i won't be on for a while....3 days, yikes!
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