This story is an attempt to be clever. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't

Whenever I say a name, I mean that person. Whenever I say a person's name in quotes ('Lindir'), I mean that person's body. Whichever one they are currently occupying.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: All active ingredients are property of J.R.R. Tolkien. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any disease. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery while reading. Not intended for children under 3 years of age. Do not take more than directed. Do not use if you are taking a perscription. This product may cause allergic reactions. Side effects include: Insomnia, headache, and in rare cases, shock, blindness, insanity, and death. Do not use unless seal under cap is intact. Do not store in direct sunlight. Do not allow to come in contact with water, coffee, orange juice or whatever other liquids are sitting by your computer. Your computer monitor is harmful if swallowed. So is your keyboard. Do not take with food. You’ll get distracted and nearly eat your mouse. Which is an unpleasant experience. Especially try not to eat chicken while reading. Your keyboard will get chicken grease on it and that would be disgusting to type on. To clean your keyboard: Place hands firmly on either side. Pull down and tear. Continue step two until keyboard is free of cords connecting it to the monitor/mouse. Place keyboard in hot water, no cooler than 120 degrees farenheit. Slowly beat in melted butter, milk, laundry detergent, and that bowl of leftover (insert entree here) that’s been in your fridge for three years. Bring to boil over medium heat, stirring constantly. Scrub keyboard with a very large chunk of steel wool until there are no longer markings on the keys. Turn heat to low. Stir in five gallons of liquid nitrogen, followed by a nice big chunk of sodium. If you don’t get the sodium joke, go here:

2nd Disclaimer: I didn't come up with that disclaimer, it's not mine either.